I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
