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I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
