Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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