Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize