If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
