Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize