I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
