her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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