HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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