Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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