but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
