HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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