I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
