Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
