I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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