my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
