Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
