walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
