New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize