____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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