you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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