Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We had sex on a dog bed..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize