I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He literally asked permission to hit on me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
