woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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