Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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