I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You need a sexual gate keeper
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize