Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
