He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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