In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
