After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
