The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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