She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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