yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
