i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
