You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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