Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
