once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
