She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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