I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
