she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
