tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
