My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
