i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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