Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
