OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
