not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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