The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
