I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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