i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
