Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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