So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
