so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
