In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
