my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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