just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
