life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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