sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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