apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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