I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
