the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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