You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
