I am full of burrito and curiosity
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
