Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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