A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
