saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
