I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
