I puked a lego.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize