just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
