he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's blow job season.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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