The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
