We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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